The Internet is My Boyfriend

** originally posted on 

What an exciting summer we've had so far... working out, making out, partying, surfing (aka slobbing out on the sand talking shit about your friends while they're in the water), and all of the other imperative non-work related activities that sunshine and short shorts inspire. Of course if you're like me you're spending most of your days cursing out the sun for cock blocking your visibility on the TV with it's stupid glare. Or perhaps you're stapled to your laptop surfing the internet. Speaking of, let's. Shall we?
Important things that have happened since my last post. In the last couple of months some of our personal heroes died while others came out of the DOY WE ALREADY KNOW closet. This week we celebrated our country's independence by Instagramming photos of those sweet-ass new Bud cans, while the first openly gay hip hop (mostly R&B) artist in history declared his own independence. And now, a little FIBI roundup  (For the Internet, By the Internet):
  • Guys- did you know that "negging" really hot women is the fastest way to drive down their self esteem just enough to make them think you're the only person who can ever love them? Especially with SUPER HARSH negs like:  “Your nose is a little red. You’re like an Eskimo. Cool.” and "Hey, you're a goof." #GOOF. Follow the simple seduction steps provided and everyone wins. The guy gets the hot girl, and the hot girl gets a brown turd.
  • Pharrell Williams' new YouTube show StereoTypes addresses race relations and social issues by asking insane New Yorkers pertinent questions like "Are you a hipster?" and "Did the white man bring homosexuality to Africa?" just to see how people will respond. The latest episode entitled "Embarrassing Music" captures the only human being ever to admit they like Nickelback on camera. Bonus: the host was one of the stars of the Hipster Olympics.
  • These vivid potato portraits by Ginou Choueiri seriously thrill me. Then again, I watch a lot of Bravo so my ability to cull pop culture stories that people might find moving is essentially rendered moot.
  • Gawker did a guide to the God Particle for The Slows (that's us) which will be purposeful at your next pretentious dinner party. It's also genuinely interesting.
  • What are your travel plans this summer? Trip to Paris? A sail through the Greek islands? Backpacking Machu Picchu? Visiting the suicide forest?
  • Sorry about the suicide forest. To end on something light, let's make all 56 of these this summer.