Danielle Staub Weaves my Nightmares

I know some of you may be disappointed to see me return to this little sharespace we call my blog with the following topic, but did anyone else catch the last episode of The Real Tampons of New Cray Cray


I actually have a theory. I think the producers have someone on the inside who works in regional management at Rite Aid. Someone who can get them into the back doors after hours at any of the pharmacies in the affluent areas in which they film.

To initiate the casting process, Rite Aid's R.M. lets the producers of the show into the pharmacy at wee hours to check out the prescriptions and rifle through records to find out who has which mental disorder and how high their dosages are for said afflictions.

For the New Jersey edition of this franchise I think the producers also went undercover and hung out in some seedy strip clubs until they were tipped off about which families were in the outer rings of THE JERSEY MAFIA.

I'm sorry but Teresa's husband has definitely killed someone. So has Caroline's brother, but probably a long time ago. They're too quiet. How ready are they to off Danielle Staub? Like, soon as Andy Cohen pulls the plug on the Jersey show she is kaput.

But before we talk Danielle, can I just say how much I love Teresa? She is the only reason to watch the  show. I love that crazy wingnut and her spoilt posse of pink satin doilies she calls kids. She's a good wife, funny as shit, and I'm pretty sure she has created her own sartorial genre for her children that no couturier could ever envision. It's BEYOND innovative.

Now. Danielle.

Oh what's that? You have better things to do than slob out on the couch in a furniture-polish scented haven eating guacamole for dinner and wondering if you had made better decisions in your life you could have potentially won Top Chef by now? Well let me introduce you. To give you an idea who Danielle Staub is, here is a quote from Life & Style via the Huffington Post:

Danielle is not only known for her vicious catfights on-screen but also for her sex tape scandal, prostitution allegations, link to drugs and legal battles with other cast mates.

Her face looks like it has absorbed the last 10,000 years of human tragedy and OH MY GOD BRAVO OWNS ME AND ANDY COHEN IS MY BOSS. Its so bad I even stick around for the Watch What Happens live after show and wait for his "Mazel." Before you judge - he just Mazel'd our newest American Hero, Steven Slater and his WWH guests have included Kelly Ripa, Anderson Cooper, Barney Frank and Kathy Griffin and Rachel Dratch. Whatever. I can't even surf past Olbermann without raging out on what is really going down. This is easier for me. 

Thanks, television. My priorities fucked up.