Oh hey there. The young, hip geniuses at TIME announced their picks for Best Blogs of 2010 today. I have to tip my hat to them for choosing Pitchfork and The Awl. The Awl is not just my Morning Latte, with Gawker it's my crackjuice. I check Gawker when I'm in other countries. Just got on the TechCrunch bandwagon thanks to my cute, slightly nerdy, extremely smart intern. There are so many amazing sites to choose from - The Unknown Hipster, Buzzfeed, Videogum, Mental Floss, VBS... not blogs but darn good Internettin.' Anyhow.
They also named a few sites that make me want to cry. In particular, they mentioned SecretZen.com as one of the sites on their radar. I wrote about the Worst Place on the Internet back in December when, via a curious clown photo on my Facebook sidebar, I was led down the rabbit hole to the cringefest that is SecretZen. I'm bringing it back in honor of the online editorial team at Time. Enjoy!
That ^^^ is what appears on my Facebook Ads sidebar. May I ask why this would inhabit my ad space and how it applies to me? I mean, it's not exactly random. There is an algorithm that applies to individual users based on their interests, keywords in their profiles, and what kinds of links and comments they post. This means that I amSecretzen.com's key demographic. C-an't think of anything more depressing.
Well, once I got an Ad about freezing my eggs (barf). That was the day I discovered my mom works in the Facebook Ad Sales department.
I also need to ask why this service, which allows users to confess their secrets anonymously, would use a scary rape clown as their mascot? Do people log onto SecretZen.com to talk about their Pennywise fantasies?
I decided to find out and let me tell you, clown sex is far less offensive than what they have posted on this site. It's much, much worse. You see, people confess their insecurities in a pathetic attempt at prose, divulge weird fetishes, and declare that they are actually whores, liars, and opportunists. But that's not the bad part. The bad part is that each secret is accompanied by a terrible, awful, cringey piece of artwork. I've selected some of my favorites for you viewing pleasure:
By 'clues' do you mean the ability to purchase socks that don't render you sadnsingle, sitting in the rain by yourself? Chicken or the egg, dear.
I realize from my samples that it seems there are only women using this site, but I assure you there are men who confess their shortcomings too. There was one guy who had his balls removed, bronzed them, had "what's the point?" inscribed into them, took a photo of it, scanned it into his computer and uploaded it onto this site. Because that is essentially what posting a confession on SecretZen.com does to a man.
What's your gross overshare? Send it to SecretZen.com and they'll post and highlight your secret with some postcard art. Good times.