Dear NY Times, thanks for inducing a violent upchuck this morning.

Hi again friends! Some more "BEST OF" the blog while I buy some time til I can sit down and tell you why Generation X is dead and needs to pass the torch quietly and graciously to the kids. In the meantime, this one was originally posted about a year ago... Enjoy!

Did you read the Times today? There is an article about these depraved lonelies who pay money to have full-time orgies with a bunch of clay people (hippies). Except the guys aren't allowed to get their weenises touched. Its a cult centered around musty moon women achieving orgasms through group J.O.'s. Its headed up by a witch from... surprise! Marin County, where I'm from. I've told you guys about these freaks before, but now the NY Times has done an expose on these helpless puddles. Bourgeoisie sex for people who don't know how to eff. GOOD STUFF! Thanks for sharing this with us, you hackey sacks.

Here are the very most vomitous pull quotes:

"...about a dozen women, naked from the waist down, lie with eyes closed in a velvet-curtained room, while clothed men huddle over them, stroking them in a ritual known as orgasmic meditation — “OMing,” for short.

"...a coed live-in commune dedicated to the female orgasm"

"the slow-sex movement" (NO THANKS)

"The Bay Area has a lively and venerable history of seekers constructing lives around sexual adventure."

"Ms. Daedone is a polarizing personality whom admirers venerate as a sex diva."

"She concedes that she has made mistakes — among them the naked yoga class." (NO SHIT)

"Both the strokers and strokees insist that all this OMing is really about the “hydration” of the self, the human connection, not sex."

"Soon the aspiring OM-ers... gathered on the floor kindergarten-style around a massage table."

"Another resident, Andy, began his task, his concentration so exquisite that he broke into a sweat."


Sorry, but if you are a 'stroker' or a 'strokee' in a place where chicks orgasm all the live long day, how is it possible - if you are a man - that your focus is non-sexual and ultimately about replenishing your soul? Are these participants so leisurely and passive that they have to sign up for this ridiculousness? I mean, why not cast your testes in bronze and place them on your mother's mantel? You clearly don't need them. YOU ARE SIGNED UP FOR A GROUP J.O.  Just go have sex with someone. Your wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, a rando, someone, anyone. ANYONE. You do not have to pay money to be reduced to a stroker or a strokee of hippie privates!

This is some high-brow, desperate, low self-esteem, Stuff-White-People-Like deviant behavior cloaked in a spiritual self-help cult that enables women who are bitter about the biological advantages that men have over us... while simultaneously allowing men to act like pussies (literally and figuratively). I mean they aren't even allowed to OG, yet they pay to participate in the sexual satisfaction of menopausal women without any emotional attachments to them? Okaaayyyyyyy.

For Ted Barrow